I am going left.
I say that, not because I am left-handed or am biased particularly towards one side more than the other though I will admit I take pride in the marks on my hand after a long day of writing, but I chose “left” because I have simply found a direction to go and it sounded better than right.
It felt right to say left. So that’s where I’m going.
More specifically, I know where I am at least going to live and attend school this autumn in an attempt to mature a bit more and delay the real world from slamming me in the face.
So, left it is.
I chose the beautiful University of Washington; in part because of their programs and in-state tuition when I did not qualify for a single scholarship anywhere at the other six major schools scattering the Northwest due to my parents’ income (a blessing and curse in one), and also because, for the most part, Stanford didn’t need me setting the bottom curve for their academics.
Funny thing about that though, as I stood at my metaphorical crossroad debating between left and right, close to home or an airplane ticket away, easier on the budget or stretching the risks for a rare opportunity, safety in the comfort of my peers or the thrill in the face of the unknown, UW or Stanford, the choice really decided itself.
And it appeared in the form of a rejection letter.
Upon seeing the first three words, we are sorry… I breathed a sigh of relief. That’s right. I deflated. Empty. The blissful lack of everything that accompanied this knowledge intrigued me. Under pressure, cooking with anticipation and uncertainty, I was stretching at the seams. Then suddenly, life decided to make the decision easy and turn the crossroad into a one-way street and chose to unfold it before me in the way that a fortune cookie may give you solace despite the fact that you didn’t know you were hoping for an answer anyways. So empty I sat, clear and sound, stress and trepidation washed away in the sense of happiness I felt for finally knowing which direction I would go.
So here I go.
I am not saddened or dismayed or even rather content with the matter of my choice because at the end of the day, it’s just a school and life holds many different paths to happiness. Wherever I go, I hope I am not content, but striving for better. I hope I am not sad, but alive and well and I appreciate the wonders around me. What I believe life revealed to me, is that I have some more work to do and I will do my best with where I go and from here, it’s only uphill, and I need to buy a good pair of rainboots.